Turning the Other Cheek - Part #2

Since last writing about turning the other cheek, I have had three experiences that taught me about it further.

The first experience involved my friends that I had referenced in my first post that had been very antagonistic to me about the Gospel. The last time we had all been together, I had sacrificed a precious day of family time on a short 3 day vacation and I had come home in tears. I felt like in our years since high school, we had grown too far apart and our friendship was over, and I made no efforts to contact them anymore, fearing to be hurt again. Also, I was unwilling to sacrifice or put time into relationships that I felt were giving me a negative net gain. Nearly a year later, one of the friends texted me asking if I had tried contacting the other friend recently. Apparently, that friend was having a very difficult time in her life and had cut off communication with everyone and was contemplating suicide. I remembered how I had thought the friendship was over and re-analyzed my feelings about it. I realized I still really cared about that friend and wanted to help her. I called her and her phone went straight to voicemail, so I left a message. I did that every day or so for a couple of weeks. One day, she answered and we talked. We talked about the last time I had visited and I admitted how much things she had said had hurt my feelings. I was assertive (for me) in that I frankly shared my feelings about the day and told things from my perspective. This is something that is very hard for me to do, but it felt so good when I did! She listened very respectfully and she apologized. She also told me things from her perspective and it helped me understand where she had been coming from as well. I apologized for pulling away rather than trying to work things out until a year later. We talked for a long, long time and it reminded me of why we were friends in the first place. I was going to be visiting California in a couple of weeks, so I asked if I could come visit her. She said she would think about it. Long story short, I was able to see both of these friends in California. I feel like we have repaired our relationship and I have happy feelings toward both of them again. Also, my one friend made really good progress with her depression. I feel like by reaching out and turning the other cheek I was able to help my friend in a way that maybe only I could. It feels wonderful!

The second experience happened a week ago. Our car got broken into. Well, it was actually unlocked. Our car doesn't have automatic locks because it is old and the switch broke. It is hard to make sure I've locked by hand every single one, because they are kind of hidden, so I just forgot this night. Someone rifled through the whole car and stole some things I really liked, most particularly: my iPod car charger that I loved because my iPod doesn't hold a charge anymore, so it enabled me to listen to my iPod in the car (through the speaker system, of course) and my amazing trench coat that I bought in London that I always felt so sophisticated wearing. It was very upsetting, and I was mad that some invaded my privacy and gone through my things and taken them. Michael was mature and helped give me some perspective by saying that people who steal out of cars are desperate people who are in circumstances that are much worse than our own. That helped a little, but I was still upset. Then I remembered Cam's comment on Turning the Other Cheek Part 1, where she references the Beatitudes. This section is 3 Nephi 12:40: "And if any man will sue thee at the law and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also." Funnily enough, I can read that as: "and if any man will take away thy coat, let him have thy iPod charger also." I don't mean to be too light, but I really feel like that is what God was telling me. I also did a thought experiment where someone in a desperate situation came up to me and asked for help and for some reason they really needed my iPod charger and trench coat. Would I not give it to them? I would. So, I decided to pretend that was what happened and gave them to the mysterious person who broke into my car. Thinking that way has helped me forgive them, although I still do miss those two things, as silly as they really are in the big picture. And it doesn't mean I'm not going to be better about locking my car doors either. I am, and I am going to make sure I don't leave anything valuable in there, either. The funny thing is, I had been pondering the interpretation of this verse since Cam had brought it up. Maybe God gave me this experience to help me understand better what Jesus meant, because I do think He meant it literally (which is what Cam ended up saying in an amended comment).

My third experience happened yesterday (it had actually just happened when I started the post, but it's taken me awhile to write, because I'm so longwinded, haha). I have a co-worker who in 2.5 years of working together has repeatedly said tactless things and we'll just say  wasn't a pleasure to work with. The most recent, upsetting experience happened about a month ago. I was just finishing up my masters and he asked me what my plans were for after graduation. I don't have anything specific lined up for multiple reasons (a. I've been burnt out and needed a break from stressful things, b. I want to have children so I don't want to commit to a crazy, intense engineering job, c. my husband has a great job in Provo, so I don't have the ability to move locations to get an ideal, flexible, engineering job doing things I love). So, I just said, "Nothing, for now." And he said to another coworker, "Wow, wouldn't that be great? I'm just sitting at home, no kids, just spending my husband's money, I don't have to do anything. That sounds great!" I found this comment extremely offensive (and maybe I shouldn't have, but I did). I would love to have the freedom to pursue an engineering career in which I could excel, but I am sacrificing that to make my husband's career our first priority and to have children. This coworker has a job lined up in San Diego (my ideal place to live!) with a company that I think would be really fun to work for that is located a block from the beach. I want to do that! Do you think I'm happy just sitting at home "spending my husband's money"? This coworker knows I am trying to have children right now. He even knows that I had a miscarriage 6 months ago! Now, I should note that I do not think this coworker is malicious and if he had known that comment made me cry when I got home, I believe he would have felt bad and apologized. I toyed with the idea of talking to him about it, but my un-confrontational nature (which I am not toting as virtuous or turning the other cheek) made me stress about it more than just letting it go. Additional background: finishing my thesis has definitely been the hardest, most frustrating experience of my life. EVERY SINGLE TIME I thought it was completely finished, I had more problems that needed fixing. It got to the ludicrous point. I even printed out my final hardback copy and saw that somehow the acknowledgements page got completely messed up, so it STILL isn't done, because I need to fix the PDF and then print out the final four copies at a professional printing place. Anyway, the coworker moved away last week to San Diego, but still has to finish his thesis submission process. I got a call from him yesterday but I was in the shower. He left a message saying something about a thesis submission disaster and that he really needed my help and could I call him back ASAP. I heard the message and internally rebelled. I did not WANT to call back, I was so frustrated with doing thesis stuff, I didn't want to do it anymore. And I remembered my first blog post about turning the other cheek. I struggled. Part of me said, "I can't even get my own life together, I can't help someone else!" The other part of me said, "You should turn the other cheek like Christ said." Then the other part said, "What would turning the other cheek in this situation be?" So I prayed. And I expected to feel a warm, fuzzy feeling that said, "you should call him back and turn the other cheek" and I would feel happy and positive that was the right thing to do. Instead, the internal war still raged but the scripture came into my head (although it seemed completely like my own thought):

"Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it."

I felt (keyword: felt - I didn't know) like this was the spirit giving a rebuttal to me trying to "save" my life by conserving all my energy for myself. And so I called him back, willing to help him where he couldn't help himself, since I was here in Utah and he was in California. He didn't answer, so I left a message. He called me back about half an hour later and said he had figured out the problem but thanks for calling him back. I was very happy! I found out from facebook later that it was his birthday that day, so I felt happy that I had been willing to help him. I would have just felt bad and guilty for not calling back, even though it turns out I wouldn't have had to do anything.

Anyway, I do not share these experiences to tote any supposed spirituality I have, but just because I feel blessed. As I have been pondering and trying to learn about a Gospel principle more fully, God really has been teaching me and I wanted to acknowledge that.

Turning the Other Cheek - Part #1

Sorry, this post is not in reference to the next General Conference talk, but I thought I would write about something I've been pondering today. What does Christ mean when He tells us to turn the other cheek? I feel like there are multiple interpretations of this commandment and I'd like to gain a better understanding of what it really means.

First of all, I do not think Christ wants us to remain in abusive relationships with anyone. Christ does not want us to be in unhealthy relationships with people who are continually hurting us. My husband believes that Christ does not want us to be around people that hurt us but that turning the other cheek simply means to forgive and not hold grudges for people who have. I've heard other people interpret turning the other cheek to mean that we should turn away from people that hurt us. However, I'm wondering if it's not that simple. For example, I have a person in my life with whom I would like to have a wonderful relationship (not romantically). I make many overtures but our relationship, while still good, is not what I consider optimal or ideal. I have been advised by another person (and felt like myself as well sometimes) to stop trying because trying hurts. It sets me up with a hope and then when I get rebuffed, I feel sad and rejected all over again. For awhile, I thought that this was sound advice and that I should strive to just not care anymore but to be ready with open arms when that particular person "wakes up" and wants to have a better relationship. For many situations, it probably is sound advice. But, as I pondered, prayed and thought about it, I realized I didn't feel good about giving up. I felt that I should continue to try in small ways to work on improving the relationship. I felt that in doing this, I would be turning the other cheek and potentially learning more about how God feels when I do not seek a relationship with Him as I should.

An example of turning the other cheek is one my husband mentioned, which occurs in Alma 44 of the Book of Mormon. The Nephites had been attacked by the Lamanites because of their religion. The Nephites were righteous and had been helped by the Lord to defeat the Lamanites in battle. Captain Moroni (leader of the Nephites) then says the following to Zerahemnah (leader of the Lamanites) - these are excerpts from verses 1, 2 and 6:

     "Behold, Zerahemnah, that we do not desire to be men of blood. Ye know that ye are in our hands, yet we do not desire to slay you. Behold, we have not come out to battle against you that we might shed your blood for power; neither do we desire to bring any one to the yoke of bondage. But this is the very cause for which ye have come against us; yea, and ye are angry with us because of our religion...I command you by all the desires which ye have for life, that ye deliver up your weapons of war unto us, and we will seek not your blood, but we will spare your lives, if ye will go your way and come not again to war against us."

(Sorry for the lame footnotes and underlining I can't seem to get rid of - I will get better at this whole blogging thing soon, hopefully).  

Basically, Captain Moroni and his people defended themselves when the Lamanites attacked them, but they did not want to murder them or take revenge for putting them through war. The Nephites were perfectly justified in defending themselves from captivity with physical violence but they only used as much violence as was necessary to defend themselves. I feel like they did the right thing and that this story contains a facet of what it is to turn the other cheek. (I also feel it justifies what I said earlier about not remaining in an abusive/hostile environment or relationship. We need to be assertive in defending ourselves from those who wish to hurt us.)

However, another example from the Book of Mormon also comes to my mind. This story involves the Anti-Nephi-Lehis. These people were previous Lamanites who had previously been evil and war-like but who had been converted. Due to their previous sins and bloodthirsty natures, they made a covenant with the Lord that they would never again shed blood and they buried all their weapons as a symbol of this covenant. The Lamanites still desired to war against the Nephites and take them into captivity if they could and they hated even more the Anti-Nephi-Lehi people for converting to the religion of the Nephites. The people knew the Lamanites were coming with the intent to destroy them but they made no preparations for war. When the Lamanites began attacking the Anti-Nephi-Lehi people, they refused to break their covenant and stood and were killed without raising a hand to defend themselves. It is widely assumed that the men stood in front of the women and children and that is why the sons of that generation were taught by their mothers. After a time (and the murder of 1005 people), the Lamanites stopped attacking. In verses 25 and 26 of Alma 24, it reads (referring to the Lamanites):

"And it came to pass that they threw down their weapons of war, and they would not take them again, for they were stung for the murders which they had committed; and they came down even as their brethren [the Anti-Nephi-Lehis], relying upon the mercies of those whose arms were lifted to slay them. And it came to pass that the people of God were joined that day by more than the number who had been slain; and those who had been slain were righteous people, therefore we have no reason to doubt but what they were saved."

This story is one of the most powerful in all of the scriptures for me. The people were willing to give their lives to keep the covenant promise they had made with the Lord. Their willingness to sacrifice themselves for this promise is an amazing act of faith and had an unexpected blessing: that many of bloodthirsty, attacking Lamanites actually became converted through this example of peace (I don't mean to be irreverent but I also love the out-of-the-box solution). These people must have accepted these members of the Lamanite army and forgiven them, because they were converted to their religion. Thus, the Lamanites must have been taught by those whom they had just attacked. I believe this story truly embodies turning the other cheek. 

Also, we must look to the ultimate example of turning the other cheek: Christ, who was meek in the face of betrayal, persecution, torture and death. Christ had the power to defend Himself from anything man could do, but He chose not to in order to fulfill His Father's higher purpose. There have been and will be times when followers of Christ will be persecuted for His sake and He has shown us how to behave. We must "Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." Turning the other cheek then means not only NOT seeking revenge or retaliation for wrongs done to us, but a step beyond that: to love and pray for those who we consider our enemies.

Does anyone else have additional comments or insights into the meaning behind this commandment?

#1 - "As We Gather Once Again" - President Monson

I decided to start a new blog where I (and hopefully others, too!) can discuss and collaborate on insights and questions regarding the LDS faith as we study the scriptures, words from living prophets and church manuals. I am not writing this blog to hear myself talk or because I think I am so knowledgeable or spiritual. In fact, it's a little outside my comfort zone to publicly post my thoughts about my religion. However, I think it will be beneficial to me, so here I go. I have been reading the book "Daughters in My Kingdom" (available online at lds.org) and I am LOVING it. As an LDS, female engineer with a masters degree, I am really loving how empowering this book is towards women. If someone thinks that the church represses women, I recommend reading this book. I have a lot of thoughts about it, but we also just had General Conference and I have a lot of thoughts about the talks there as well. So, I am going to start with General Conference and just try to go one talk at a time. I almost skipped President Monson's opening remarks, but I realized that I should not skip what the living prophet has said, even if his remarks were short and introductory. Also, what better way to start my General Conference blog series than with an introduction from our prophet in General Conference? "As We Gather Once Again" - President Thomas S. Monson Full text: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/as-we-gather-once-again?lang=eng What first pops out at me are the blessings we receive from participating in (I consider actively listening participating) General Conference. These answers might be considered "no-brainers" but it is amazing to me just how many blessings he lists. By participating in Conference, we may:

• gain strength from one another
• receive and extend encouragement
• find comfort
• build and strengthen our faith
• learn (this one is so obvious, but so awesome)
• find answers to questions
  
• find enlightenment, upliftment (I don't think this is a word, oh well), and comfort
• feel the Spirit of the Lord
• find the incentive and courage to change
• find answers to questions
• gain help with challenges
• have an increased resolve to live worthily
• have an increased strength to oppose evil

Just looking at all these blessings makes me happy and motivates me to get the most out of General Conference by studying and praying about all the talks given. Like anyone, I am always in need of all of these blessings. "How blessed we are to have come to earth at such a time as this—a marvelous time in the long history of the world." I recently read a book on the history of medicine, specifically regarding sulfa drugs and antibiotics, in the 1900's. It was fascinating - I'm serious. It's called "The Demon Under the Microscope" by Thomas Hager. Anyway, this book helped me realize how blessed we are to live in a day with antibiotics. I didn't realize how recently they were discovered. My grandparents were born before they were used at all in the United States. My grandparents. That is not that long ago at all. Modern technology is pretty amazing, too. When I think that when I was born, no one had ever heard of the Internet...and I am not that old. People often talk about the isolating effect technology can have on people, but I love how President Monson focuses on its unifying effect: that people from everywhere across the world can participate as a single church, together. It really is a beautiful, amazing thing. "There is much that is difficult and challenging in the world today, my brothers and sisters, but there is also much that is good and uplifting. As we declare in our thirteenth article of faith, 'If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.' May we ever continue to do so." Once again, President Monson looks at the positive and reminds us of the 13th article of faith - which is definitely one of my favorites. The church has been attracting negative attention and I personally have experienced it as well. It can be disheartening, because I truly do not wish anyone else harm or wrong. However, I still need to seek for the good things in the world AND in other people - things virtuous, lovely or of good report or praiseworthy. The funny thing is that I love finding new wonderful and beautiful things: I love learning new things and reading new books, looking at beautiful artwork, experiencing beautiful nature, etc... It is interesting that I do not seek these things as often as I feel I should. Of course, it is easier to sit back and do nothing, but it is so much better to try and experience the wonderful things in life. I also need to do this in other people. The people who have been the harshest to me about my beliefs are actually my friends. But that does not make them bad people - they are wonderful people who do many great things and who I really care about. I need to make sure I seek out the good and appreciate the good in all people.. "Our Heavenly Father is mindful of each of us and our needs. May we be filled with His Spirit as we partake of the proceedings of this conference." I know this is true, because Heavenly Father has shown me often in my life that He is mindful of me. I was filled with His Spirit as I watched General Conference and I continue to be as I study them. I love personal revelation and that God can speak to each one of us, according to our own needs/questions/desires, through the same talks. I love that no one is assigned a specific topic and yet each so often perfectly complement one another. Often, specific themes occur that could only happen through inspiration and not the planning of man. I also love the music of General Conference and often find answers to my questions or comfort to my soul through the beautiful hymns. I wrote down a list of questions and problems that I wanted assistance with from General Conference and while some are too personal to share in this setting, I will note the answers I received as is appropriate during the talk that answered them. Teri's Take Away:

• study and learn from the talks in order to receive the blessings listed by our living prophet
• be ever thankful for the blessing of living in this modern time - it is exciting! (and bonus: modern medicine is a lot less painful, too!)
• seek out the virtuous and praiseworthy things both in the world and in other people