#4 - "Converted to His Gospel through His Church" - Elder Hallstrom

This talk is titled "Converted to His Gospel through His Church" by Elder Donald L. Hallstrom and can be found here.

I really enjoyed this talk on an intellectual level. I liked the clear distinction that Elder Hallstrom made between the LDS church and the gospel of Christ. Here are the characteristics he describes of the two:

Gospel Characteristics:

• it is "the glorious plan of God in which we, as His children, are given the opportunity to receive all that the Father has"
• it is "eternal life"
• it is “the greatest of all the gifts of God”

Church Characteristics:

• it is "was established by Jesus Christ during His earthly ministry"
• it is “built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets”
• "Jesus Christ was and is the head of His Church, represented on earth by prophets holding apostolic authority."

The main point that stood out to me in this talk was that activity in the church does not equal activity in the gospel. He points out that while activity in the church is greatly desirable, it is inadequate. He states that we need both the gospel and the church.

This got me thinking about the reverse - can we be active in the gospel without being active in the church? I have definitely wondered this before and went through a period of time when I believed the answer was yes. At that time in my life, I felt that going to church was more of a strain and drain on my spirit than an upliftment. I told my dad that and he said that maybe I wasn't supposed to go to church to be uplifted by others but that by going I might be able to help other people. I didn't understand that at the time, but I think I do now.

Exaltation is not a solitary experience. God intends for us to have eternal life with our families. He desires all people to be united in Christ.

Moses 7:18: "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them."

That is what He desires for us. While we need to personally develop our spiritual attributes, such as faith, hope and charity, what God truly wants is for His people to be united with these same attributes. I didn't always understand that, and I know there is still more for me to understand. But I do see that God values unity among His people. Prayer and fasting in a group is often more effective than prayer and fasting alone and brings feelings of love and harmony to those who prayed and fasted together. I find spiritual guidance much quicker when I am asking how to help those around me than when I am asking for help myself. We are sealed together as families for all eternity. There is a reason for all these things: God wants us to be unified together. He wants us to be unified as a church as well.

At different times in my life, church has been different things. In my college wards, I felt that every Sunday I learned so much, felt the Spirit so much and was lifted up. This was great for me, because at the time, I really needed to build my own foundation of faith in the the church. Currently, I feel that I am lifting more than being lifted. And that is fine! That doesn't mean the church isn't true or that I should stop going because "what's in it for me?" I have a demanding calling being a teacher to 3 and 4 year olds. There are a lot of them and many of them are "difficult," even for their age group. I often come home from church utterly exhausted and without hearing the lessons from Sunday School and Relief Society that have so often buoyed me up. But, by being a good teacher to these children, I enable their parents to enjoy those lessons. And, even more important, by being a good teacher, who prays for inspiration in how to teach, I am helping build a spiritual foundation for these little ones. And I know that even if it feels that going to church is currently taking more of me than it is giving back, it isn't true. The peace I feel throughout the week when I go to church and try to do my best is more than recompense.

I relate to and understand people who feel that they don't want to go to church because they feel different or they dislike many opinions/viewpoints held by many members of the ward. I have been in meetings where things were said that have made me uncomfortable or that I didn't agree with. None of these things were church doctrine, just people's interpretation of the doctrine that I think they potentially got wrong or they misunderstood, due to immaturity or some other personal bias. No one perceives all truth perfectly, so I am sure sometimes my perception of things is wrong, too. But when I heard things said that I didn't believe, I used to think that a) meant the church wasn't true, b) that I shouldn't need to go to church, since those things weren't edifying me, c) that person was a jerk or prejudiced or crazy or something negative. Now that I've grown up a bit, I realize that the church is made of people who aren't perfect, but for the most part, everyone is trying to do their best. I have recently experienced a woman talking in church who said some strange things. Previously, I would have dismissed everything she said, but - while I did analyze everything she said with a grain of salt - I ended up sifting through the "crazy" and still being edified with many of the points she was trying to make. She is a good woman who is trying to do her best as she sees fit. Did I agree with or even believe some of the things she was saying? Not always. But I saw that many of her points were good and those were what I focused on. And one of her points even helped bring me comfort about my miscarriage. I would have missed that if I had simply dismissed her.

I also relate to people who don't want to go to church, because they are intellectual and feel like they are much smarter than the people who will be giving the talks and the lessons. I have felt this way before. But even if that was true (which I am not saying it is - I am often very prideful), that doesn't mean I can't get things out of it. How many times have we heard lessons on prayer, faith, fasting, charity, etc...? Even lessons reviewing the basic fundamentals of these basic fundamentals are always useful and applicable. As humans, we constantly need reminding. I used to get bored of the scriptures once I knew every story. Now, I realize there is so much in a single verse that I will never be fully able to understand it all. I have had lessons taught by amazing scriptorians and amazing public speakers that have been wonderful and I have gotten a lot out of them. I have also had lessons taught be people who have not known much about the subject they were teaching that I have also gotten a lot out of. Just having an hour to think and read along in the manual about a specific gospel principle is something I would not be motivated to do at home by myself. And Heavenly Father doesn't want me to do it by myself. Now, when I am being taught in a lesson, I try to follow along, look encouragingly at the teacher, pay attention and not talk to or distract others, raise my hand to read a scripture or answer a question that is asked and comment if I think of something that might add to the point the teacher is trying to make. Am I getting things out of doing this? More things that I would be if I was studying the same topics for an hour alone? Of course I am! But, hopefully, I am also helping and uplifting the teacher and those around me. That is what Heavenly Father wants from us at church. I believe that is why we are supposed to go to church (aside from taking the sacrament and renewing our covenants, which is the primary reason). I am not saying all this to say, "Wow, look at me! I'm so great - I pay attention in Sunday School!" Rather, I am trying to show what I have learned, since I have totally "been there" when it comes to not wanting to be active in the church for various reasons. These changes in perspective have been years in coming ("line upon line," you might say), and it is through the good example and love and encouragement of many good people around me (Cam and Emily, I'm looking at you - and I suppose my parents, too :D) that I was able to have them. I am very glad that even when I did not feel like being active in the church, I still came anyway.

This post ended up being much longer than I intended, but I guess I should be used to that by now. I am nothing if not verbose. I would love to hear comments on what other people think of the need to be active in the church AND active in the gospel. I think a lot of people have felt or feel the way I have felt sometime in their lives, and it is something not generally talked about too much. 

#3 - "Teaching Our Children to Understand" - Sister Esplin

The third talk was by Cheryl A. Esplin entitled, "Teaching Our Children to Understand" and can be found here:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/teaching-our-children-to-understand?lang=eng

I loved the emphasis on the need for personal revelation in teaching children to understand the Gospel. While I am not a parent yet, I have definitely recognized the need for personal revelation in fulfilling such an overwhelming responsibility. I may not be a parent but I have been parented and it was the times when my parents used the Spirit that I learned the most and that they were the most effective as parents.

Here is an excerpt from something I wrote for my dad's 50th birthday that came to my mind (forgive the writing):

"Another memory from my turbulent teenagehood.  I had gotten into a fight with my parents and just was upset at the world.  I don’t remember any of what it was about.  But I remember I was so mad, I just wanted to disappear, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go or any way to get there anyway.  I had a queen-size bed with a small metal frame that it stood on that was really close to the ground.  I lay on the ground and shoved myself under the bed - it was a tight squeeze - I had to keep my head to one side because there wasn’t room to turn it.  I laid there for awhile, thinking and also hoping that if my parents came in, they would be sure I had run away, because it truly didn’t seem possible a full grown person could fit under the bed.  My dad knocked on the door and then came in to make peace, but of course he couldn’t see me.  I heard him call for me and check the closet and anywhere I could be, but he didn’t check under the bed.  He walked out of the room and then after a few seconds, he walked back in and laid down on the floor and started talking to me, saying nice things, making peace, not caring if I answered or even ignored him.  I just laid there - mainly because I was really stuck - but also wondering, “HOW could he have found me? It’s like he KNEW I was under here the second he walked back in.”  So, I listened to him and felt my heart soften.  I eventually crawled out and I asked him how he knew where I was.  He answered simply, “I prayed.”  It was a powerful testimony to me - a father worried about his daughter and her whereabouts asks Heavenly Father where she is and immediately is told in his heart.  I know Heavenly Father guided his words to me as well.  It was such a blessing to have a dad worthy of the spirit and using it to help him navigate through my difficult teenage years."

Another memory of mine comes from my junior prom. As a teenager I had a LOT of social anxiety. I was asked to the prom and I was excited to go. The whole day I got ready and felt fine, but the second the car pulled away from my house, I started having horrible, horrible panic attacks. It literally felt like I was dying. In fact, I have heard that people often mistake panic attacks for life threatening things, like heart attacks, etc... and go to the hospital. I tried to deal with it, but it was beyond me. It was just too stressful of a social situation for me to handle by myself. A huge group of people, most of whom I didn't know, going to a restaurant I'd never been to, going to dance all night with the same boy (what would we talk about, what if I say something stupid, what if there is awkward silence, etc...), these all combined against me. I ended up borrowing a friend's cell phone and calling my mom, at a loss of what to do. My sweet parents drove to the random city we were at (where the restaurant was) and brought me an anti-anxiety pill. I had only taken them once or twice before and it hadn't worked. I sat in the car for a few minutes, took the pill and just sobbed. I felt so trapped. I couldn't just ditch out on the boy who had spent $100+ on the prom ticket alone and I didn't want him to think I was having these problems because I hated him or something. It wasn't him at all - just the social situation. But how do you explain that as an awkward, 17 year old? My mom walked me to the bathroom to clean up my face and I distinctly remember walking through that crowded restaurant (how horrible those crowds seemed!). Up to this point in my life, I had never successfully pulled through a situation that induced me into having panic attacks. I had always had to quit. So, I was sure I couldn't make it through the rest of prom after having already cried, left my prom date for about half an hour, having had my parents come to the restaurant - basically having made things way more awkward than they already were and I hadn't even been able to handle that. But as we walked through the restaurant, my mom told me, "I said a prayer to Heavenly Father and I know you can do it. I have faith that you can." At that point, I didn't really understand faith and I didn't feel that I had any of my own. But I realized that I did have faith in my mom's faith. And I thought that might be enough. So, I walked over to my prom group (who were still waiting to be seated anyway) and didn't look back. We ate dinner together, hung out at the prom and danced, and I did it. I pushed through a (for me) very stressful, anxiety inducing event. The worst had happened (in that I had tons of panic attacks), but I had pushed through. I'm sure my mom had prayed multiple times that night and if it hadn't been for her prayers, her faith and the inspiration to tell me how she had felt the Spirit in my behalf, I know I couldn't have done it. By faith in her faith, I was able to succeed and that marked a huge turning point in my social anxiety. I also attribute that night to the point when the desire to have faith was planted inside me and I wanted to develop it for myself.

Experiences like those make me very grateful for the spirituality of my parents and help me realize (and motivate me!) how important it is to cultivate spirituality in order to teach our children. Sister Esplin emphasizes the need to teach children to understand the Gospel in the context of the child's life at that particular time. Both these experiences with my parents were within the context of my life at that moment and they were both very powerful for me. I get emotional thinking about them to this day. Sister Esplin quotes President Lee and sums this principle up perfectly: "Without experiencing a gospel principle in action, it is … more difficult to believe in that principle." I had heard about prayer and faith my whole life, but those two experiences really helped me believe in those principles.

Sister Esplin also stresses the need for consistent traditions of spirituality in the home, such as "family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and other family activities." I feel the need to better instill these traditions into my home now, so that when we do have children, they will already be solid traditions and not something we try to instigate with the added difficulties and stress of wrangling children.

I love the story of the girl whose father sat and explained to her about what getting baptized would mean a couple months before she turned eight. I want to take the time to do that when my children are about to turn eight as well.

Quotes I loved:

"This divine privilege of raising our children is a much greater responsibility than we can do alone, without the Lord’s help. He knows exactly what our children need to know, what they need to do, and what they need to be to come back into His presence."

"Teaching for understanding takes determined and consistent effort. It requires teaching by precept and by example and especially by helping our children live what they learn."

"As our children learn to understand gospel doctrines, they become more self-reliant and more responsible. They become part of the solution to our family challenges and make a positive contribution to the environment of our home and the success of our family."

#2 - "And a Little Child Shall Lead Them" - President Packer

For this post, I will be commenting on and referencing President Packer's talk "And a Little Child Shall Lead Them," which can be found here (I really need to learn how to embed the link in the word "here"):

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/and-a-little-child-shall-lead-them?lang=eng

This talk is one of the main reasons it's been awhile between my last General Conference post and this one. I can tell it has a lot of deep doctrine in it and I know I do not understand all of it. It covers a lot of different aspects of children - perhaps that's another reason why I feel so intimidated to talk about it, as I don't have any children yet. It seems to jump around a bit, but as I read and re-read it, the theme of children/parenthood/family ties everything together. Thus, my notes on the talk will be a little jumbled, too, and I know I can't cover every thought I have had about every thing he says.

Also, a lot of the stories about suffering children make me so sad that it's hard to see past the story into the meaning behind it. For example, in the story about the hungry boy who wants to eat the sacrament bread that President Packer ends up holding him on his lap, I recognize that this story is about much more than a hungry, little boy. But I can't help agonizing and wondering whatever happened to him. It doesn't sound like he got any sort of food or clothing at the meeting as he left before it ended. President Packer tells us that this story inspired a prophesy from President Kimball: “You were holding a nation on your lap.” This statement sounds very important and inspiring but I just don't fully understand it. Apparently, neither did President Packer at the time because President Kimball said to him more than once, “That experience has far greater meaning than you have yet come to know.” My current thoughts are that physical and spiritual sustenance are both necessities for everyone and when it comes down to it, spiritual sustenance is even more important. It is hard for me to overlook the physical suffering of the little children President Packer talks about.

Possibly that is one thing President Kimball is trying to stress? The nations that President Packer was talking about had a great deal of poverty in both areas. The church provides means to help people all over the world become more educated, which means less poverty. It also provides the Gospel and the knowledge of how to get back to our Father in Heaven. I also wonder if the main point of the story is that it is symbolic of the growth of the church in that area of the world. When it was first starting, the church leadership had to be provided by people not native to the country. But as the church would grow throughout those nations, the leadership would be from the people of those nations. Which has definitely happened and is continuing to happen.

The story of the Japanese orphan with scabies and the Salt Lake City boy with no coat just make me so sad. But I try to use that sadness to motivate me to be thankful for the blessings that I have and to be generous to all around me, keeping in mind that people in need are not necessarily in third world countries.

I love the story of the Japanese girl at the close of WWII who collected leaves from a tree in a city completely turned to rubble. She seemed oblivious to the carnage around and "she had found the one beauty left in her world." I love the portrayal of a little child as the personification of hope.

I found comfort in the story about the couple unable to have children. I had a miscarriage about six months ago and have felt a lot of heartache. It has made me worry that I might be unable to have children of my own (even though I know miscarriages are fairly common). President Packer's response that the couple who could not have children were fortunate due to their righteous desires helped me to have a paradigm shift. I still get sad and worried sometimes, but I am comforted by the fact that I have righteous desires to be a mother and I know I will be at some point. On a similar note, I have felt discouraged about still struggling with feelings of grief at the miscarriage. Having never had a close person in my life go through this before I did, I hadn't realized how heartbreaking it can be. I have felt like I should be "over it" by now or something. But when President Packer told how he and his wife lost two of their little boys at birth, you could hear the sorrow in his voice and see it in his face. I am guessing that happened 50-ish years ago. It helped me realize it was okay to be sad and grieve still and that I probably would be sad about it for the rest of my life. Now, I don't mean that it's okay for me to give into despair or not be able to move on in my life. It just helped me realize this is okay for me to feel the feelings I have been feeling.

Quotes that stood out to me:

"Husbands and wives should understand that their first calling—from which they will never be released—is to one another and then to their children"

"Family time is sacred time and should be protected and respected."

"Now in the sunset of our lives, Sister Packer and I understand and witness that our families can be forever."

"Fathers and mothers, next time you cradle a newborn child in your arms, you can have an inner vision of the mysteries and purpose of life." (I hope to experience this in my life.)

"There is much to be learned from following His [Christ's] example in seeking to pray for, bless, and teach “those little ones.”

"At night, when I pull the covers over me, I offer a prayer for those who have no warm bed to go to." (I am going to try to do this, too.)


Scriptures that I loved:

“Children are an heritage of the Lord: and … happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.”

ALL of 3 Nephi 17 - so amazing - has to be in my top five favorite chapters of scripture ever