#3 - "Teaching Our Children to Understand" - Sister Esplin

The third talk was by Cheryl A. Esplin entitled, "Teaching Our Children to Understand" and can be found here:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/teaching-our-children-to-understand?lang=eng

I loved the emphasis on the need for personal revelation in teaching children to understand the Gospel. While I am not a parent yet, I have definitely recognized the need for personal revelation in fulfilling such an overwhelming responsibility. I may not be a parent but I have been parented and it was the times when my parents used the Spirit that I learned the most and that they were the most effective as parents.

Here is an excerpt from something I wrote for my dad's 50th birthday that came to my mind (forgive the writing):

"Another memory from my turbulent teenagehood.  I had gotten into a fight with my parents and just was upset at the world.  I don’t remember any of what it was about.  But I remember I was so mad, I just wanted to disappear, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go or any way to get there anyway.  I had a queen-size bed with a small metal frame that it stood on that was really close to the ground.  I lay on the ground and shoved myself under the bed - it was a tight squeeze - I had to keep my head to one side because there wasn’t room to turn it.  I laid there for awhile, thinking and also hoping that if my parents came in, they would be sure I had run away, because it truly didn’t seem possible a full grown person could fit under the bed.  My dad knocked on the door and then came in to make peace, but of course he couldn’t see me.  I heard him call for me and check the closet and anywhere I could be, but he didn’t check under the bed.  He walked out of the room and then after a few seconds, he walked back in and laid down on the floor and started talking to me, saying nice things, making peace, not caring if I answered or even ignored him.  I just laid there - mainly because I was really stuck - but also wondering, “HOW could he have found me? It’s like he KNEW I was under here the second he walked back in.”  So, I listened to him and felt my heart soften.  I eventually crawled out and I asked him how he knew where I was.  He answered simply, “I prayed.”  It was a powerful testimony to me - a father worried about his daughter and her whereabouts asks Heavenly Father where she is and immediately is told in his heart.  I know Heavenly Father guided his words to me as well.  It was such a blessing to have a dad worthy of the spirit and using it to help him navigate through my difficult teenage years."

Another memory of mine comes from my junior prom. As a teenager I had a LOT of social anxiety. I was asked to the prom and I was excited to go. The whole day I got ready and felt fine, but the second the car pulled away from my house, I started having horrible, horrible panic attacks. It literally felt like I was dying. In fact, I have heard that people often mistake panic attacks for life threatening things, like heart attacks, etc... and go to the hospital. I tried to deal with it, but it was beyond me. It was just too stressful of a social situation for me to handle by myself. A huge group of people, most of whom I didn't know, going to a restaurant I'd never been to, going to dance all night with the same boy (what would we talk about, what if I say something stupid, what if there is awkward silence, etc...), these all combined against me. I ended up borrowing a friend's cell phone and calling my mom, at a loss of what to do. My sweet parents drove to the random city we were at (where the restaurant was) and brought me an anti-anxiety pill. I had only taken them once or twice before and it hadn't worked. I sat in the car for a few minutes, took the pill and just sobbed. I felt so trapped. I couldn't just ditch out on the boy who had spent $100+ on the prom ticket alone and I didn't want him to think I was having these problems because I hated him or something. It wasn't him at all - just the social situation. But how do you explain that as an awkward, 17 year old? My mom walked me to the bathroom to clean up my face and I distinctly remember walking through that crowded restaurant (how horrible those crowds seemed!). Up to this point in my life, I had never successfully pulled through a situation that induced me into having panic attacks. I had always had to quit. So, I was sure I couldn't make it through the rest of prom after having already cried, left my prom date for about half an hour, having had my parents come to the restaurant - basically having made things way more awkward than they already were and I hadn't even been able to handle that. But as we walked through the restaurant, my mom told me, "I said a prayer to Heavenly Father and I know you can do it. I have faith that you can." At that point, I didn't really understand faith and I didn't feel that I had any of my own. But I realized that I did have faith in my mom's faith. And I thought that might be enough. So, I walked over to my prom group (who were still waiting to be seated anyway) and didn't look back. We ate dinner together, hung out at the prom and danced, and I did it. I pushed through a (for me) very stressful, anxiety inducing event. The worst had happened (in that I had tons of panic attacks), but I had pushed through. I'm sure my mom had prayed multiple times that night and if it hadn't been for her prayers, her faith and the inspiration to tell me how she had felt the Spirit in my behalf, I know I couldn't have done it. By faith in her faith, I was able to succeed and that marked a huge turning point in my social anxiety. I also attribute that night to the point when the desire to have faith was planted inside me and I wanted to develop it for myself.

Experiences like those make me very grateful for the spirituality of my parents and help me realize (and motivate me!) how important it is to cultivate spirituality in order to teach our children. Sister Esplin emphasizes the need to teach children to understand the Gospel in the context of the child's life at that particular time. Both these experiences with my parents were within the context of my life at that moment and they were both very powerful for me. I get emotional thinking about them to this day. Sister Esplin quotes President Lee and sums this principle up perfectly: "Without experiencing a gospel principle in action, it is … more difficult to believe in that principle." I had heard about prayer and faith my whole life, but those two experiences really helped me believe in those principles.

Sister Esplin also stresses the need for consistent traditions of spirituality in the home, such as "family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and other family activities." I feel the need to better instill these traditions into my home now, so that when we do have children, they will already be solid traditions and not something we try to instigate with the added difficulties and stress of wrangling children.

I love the story of the girl whose father sat and explained to her about what getting baptized would mean a couple months before she turned eight. I want to take the time to do that when my children are about to turn eight as well.

Quotes I loved:

"This divine privilege of raising our children is a much greater responsibility than we can do alone, without the Lord’s help. He knows exactly what our children need to know, what they need to do, and what they need to be to come back into His presence."

"Teaching for understanding takes determined and consistent effort. It requires teaching by precept and by example and especially by helping our children live what they learn."

"As our children learn to understand gospel doctrines, they become more self-reliant and more responsible. They become part of the solution to our family challenges and make a positive contribution to the environment of our home and the success of our family."