Turning the Other Cheek - Part #2

Since last writing about turning the other cheek, I have had three experiences that taught me about it further.

The first experience involved my friends that I had referenced in my first post that had been very antagonistic to me about the Gospel. The last time we had all been together, I had sacrificed a precious day of family time on a short 3 day vacation and I had come home in tears. I felt like in our years since high school, we had grown too far apart and our friendship was over, and I made no efforts to contact them anymore, fearing to be hurt again. Also, I was unwilling to sacrifice or put time into relationships that I felt were giving me a negative net gain. Nearly a year later, one of the friends texted me asking if I had tried contacting the other friend recently. Apparently, that friend was having a very difficult time in her life and had cut off communication with everyone and was contemplating suicide. I remembered how I had thought the friendship was over and re-analyzed my feelings about it. I realized I still really cared about that friend and wanted to help her. I called her and her phone went straight to voicemail, so I left a message. I did that every day or so for a couple of weeks. One day, she answered and we talked. We talked about the last time I had visited and I admitted how much things she had said had hurt my feelings. I was assertive (for me) in that I frankly shared my feelings about the day and told things from my perspective. This is something that is very hard for me to do, but it felt so good when I did! She listened very respectfully and she apologized. She also told me things from her perspective and it helped me understand where she had been coming from as well. I apologized for pulling away rather than trying to work things out until a year later. We talked for a long, long time and it reminded me of why we were friends in the first place. I was going to be visiting California in a couple of weeks, so I asked if I could come visit her. She said she would think about it. Long story short, I was able to see both of these friends in California. I feel like we have repaired our relationship and I have happy feelings toward both of them again. Also, my one friend made really good progress with her depression. I feel like by reaching out and turning the other cheek I was able to help my friend in a way that maybe only I could. It feels wonderful!

The second experience happened a week ago. Our car got broken into. Well, it was actually unlocked. Our car doesn't have automatic locks because it is old and the switch broke. It is hard to make sure I've locked by hand every single one, because they are kind of hidden, so I just forgot this night. Someone rifled through the whole car and stole some things I really liked, most particularly: my iPod car charger that I loved because my iPod doesn't hold a charge anymore, so it enabled me to listen to my iPod in the car (through the speaker system, of course) and my amazing trench coat that I bought in London that I always felt so sophisticated wearing. It was very upsetting, and I was mad that some invaded my privacy and gone through my things and taken them. Michael was mature and helped give me some perspective by saying that people who steal out of cars are desperate people who are in circumstances that are much worse than our own. That helped a little, but I was still upset. Then I remembered Cam's comment on Turning the Other Cheek Part 1, where she references the Beatitudes. This section is 3 Nephi 12:40: "And if any man will sue thee at the law and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also." Funnily enough, I can read that as: "and if any man will take away thy coat, let him have thy iPod charger also." I don't mean to be too light, but I really feel like that is what God was telling me. I also did a thought experiment where someone in a desperate situation came up to me and asked for help and for some reason they really needed my iPod charger and trench coat. Would I not give it to them? I would. So, I decided to pretend that was what happened and gave them to the mysterious person who broke into my car. Thinking that way has helped me forgive them, although I still do miss those two things, as silly as they really are in the big picture. And it doesn't mean I'm not going to be better about locking my car doors either. I am, and I am going to make sure I don't leave anything valuable in there, either. The funny thing is, I had been pondering the interpretation of this verse since Cam had brought it up. Maybe God gave me this experience to help me understand better what Jesus meant, because I do think He meant it literally (which is what Cam ended up saying in an amended comment).

My third experience happened yesterday (it had actually just happened when I started the post, but it's taken me awhile to write, because I'm so longwinded, haha). I have a co-worker who in 2.5 years of working together has repeatedly said tactless things and we'll just say  wasn't a pleasure to work with. The most recent, upsetting experience happened about a month ago. I was just finishing up my masters and he asked me what my plans were for after graduation. I don't have anything specific lined up for multiple reasons (a. I've been burnt out and needed a break from stressful things, b. I want to have children so I don't want to commit to a crazy, intense engineering job, c. my husband has a great job in Provo, so I don't have the ability to move locations to get an ideal, flexible, engineering job doing things I love). So, I just said, "Nothing, for now." And he said to another coworker, "Wow, wouldn't that be great? I'm just sitting at home, no kids, just spending my husband's money, I don't have to do anything. That sounds great!" I found this comment extremely offensive (and maybe I shouldn't have, but I did). I would love to have the freedom to pursue an engineering career in which I could excel, but I am sacrificing that to make my husband's career our first priority and to have children. This coworker has a job lined up in San Diego (my ideal place to live!) with a company that I think would be really fun to work for that is located a block from the beach. I want to do that! Do you think I'm happy just sitting at home "spending my husband's money"? This coworker knows I am trying to have children right now. He even knows that I had a miscarriage 6 months ago! Now, I should note that I do not think this coworker is malicious and if he had known that comment made me cry when I got home, I believe he would have felt bad and apologized. I toyed with the idea of talking to him about it, but my un-confrontational nature (which I am not toting as virtuous or turning the other cheek) made me stress about it more than just letting it go. Additional background: finishing my thesis has definitely been the hardest, most frustrating experience of my life. EVERY SINGLE TIME I thought it was completely finished, I had more problems that needed fixing. It got to the ludicrous point. I even printed out my final hardback copy and saw that somehow the acknowledgements page got completely messed up, so it STILL isn't done, because I need to fix the PDF and then print out the final four copies at a professional printing place. Anyway, the coworker moved away last week to San Diego, but still has to finish his thesis submission process. I got a call from him yesterday but I was in the shower. He left a message saying something about a thesis submission disaster and that he really needed my help and could I call him back ASAP. I heard the message and internally rebelled. I did not WANT to call back, I was so frustrated with doing thesis stuff, I didn't want to do it anymore. And I remembered my first blog post about turning the other cheek. I struggled. Part of me said, "I can't even get my own life together, I can't help someone else!" The other part of me said, "You should turn the other cheek like Christ said." Then the other part said, "What would turning the other cheek in this situation be?" So I prayed. And I expected to feel a warm, fuzzy feeling that said, "you should call him back and turn the other cheek" and I would feel happy and positive that was the right thing to do. Instead, the internal war still raged but the scripture came into my head (although it seemed completely like my own thought):

"Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it."

I felt (keyword: felt - I didn't know) like this was the spirit giving a rebuttal to me trying to "save" my life by conserving all my energy for myself. And so I called him back, willing to help him where he couldn't help himself, since I was here in Utah and he was in California. He didn't answer, so I left a message. He called me back about half an hour later and said he had figured out the problem but thanks for calling him back. I was very happy! I found out from facebook later that it was his birthday that day, so I felt happy that I had been willing to help him. I would have just felt bad and guilty for not calling back, even though it turns out I wouldn't have had to do anything.

Anyway, I do not share these experiences to tote any supposed spirituality I have, but just because I feel blessed. As I have been pondering and trying to learn about a Gospel principle more fully, God really has been teaching me and I wanted to acknowledge that.